We Need A Hero
The pilot had a heart attack
The co-pilot can't be found
The people in the aisles are screaming
They know the plane's going down
We need a hero
Someone to save us
We need a hero
To land the plane
We need a hero
Who's going to do it
We need a hero
To save the day
So I jump to my feet and I volunteer
The people on the plane all start to cheer
I get a high-five from a baby
And a hickey from a flight attendant
So I go in the cockpit
Put the headset on
And grab the main control
Then right away I crash the plane
Because I don't know what I'm doing
What the fuck was that?
We're on a runaway train
The conductor had a meltdown
The people in the dining car
Are screaming really, really loud
We need a hero
Someone to save us
Yeah, we need a hero
To bring us through the danger
We need a hero
Somebody competent
We need a hero
To save the day
So I put the engineer's hat
On the top of my head
The people go fucking crazy
A guy says "You're the man, man"
And a deaf woman signs "Go get 'em"
Then I go to the cab and I toot the whistle
That's something I always wanted to do
Then right away we fly off the bridge
Because I don't know what I'm doing
What the fuck was that?
We're in a nice family restaurant
Somebody's grandma's choking on a lamb chop
There's panic in the air as Nana's face turns blue
The busboy screams in Spanish "What the fuck do we do?"
We need a hero
who's gonna do it
We need a hero
To clean out her windpipe
We need a hero
Who's down with Heimlich
We need a hero
To save the day, yeah
So I slap my napkin down on the table
And I get a fucking standing ovation
Another guy gets up and says he's a doctor
I say, "Sit the fuck down I got this shit"
Then I wrap my arms around Grandma's chest
And I look her grandkids deep in the eyes
Then right away I break all her ribs
Because I don't know what I'm doing
Grandma!
What the fuck was that?
