(Hat)
This song is not about hats.
Oh, no. This song is not about hats.
This song is about something else. So fancy that!
This song is not about hats.
This song is about something that has never before been defined,
Can't be felt by the senses or comprehended by the mind.
And so my friends, we must now ask ourselves, "What is this song about?"
First of all, it is not about hats as was established at the opening of the song.
This narrows down the possibilities slightly.
Now Webster's New World Dictionary,
Second College Edition defines a hat as a covering for the head.
If Mr. Webster is correct (And why should we assume otherwise)
Then any object that can cover the head is a hat.
If I put a book on my head, it would be a hat.
If I put a chair on my head it would be a hat.
If I put my guitar on my head, it too would be a hat.
If I put your mother on my head, she would be a hat.
And so, my friends, so far we have taken a very logical,
Very careful method of determining
What the object is that is the subject of this song.
As a matter of fact, we probably shouldn't be calling it an object,
Because if it is an object it can be put on someone's head,
And if it can be put on someone's head,
It might very well be considered a hat by the more observant members of society.
This song must be about some kind of abstract concept.
Like love. Or Democracy.
But wait, my friends.
Have we forgotten that not everything in life can be taken entirely literally?
We simply cannot deny the existence of metaphors.
Not even the bad ones.
Love is a radioactive hat that causes confusion in the brain.
Democracy is a protective helmet on the head of the free world.
In fact the number of abstract concepts
That can be metaphorically compared to hats are limitless.
Metaphorically speaking, anything can be a hat.
And so my friends, we do not know what this song is about.
We know what it is not,
But we do not know what it is. It is not a hat.
It is not something else.
But it does exist for in a universe as infinitely vast as our own,
It must exist. But it can't be sensed or even imagined.
No one will ever find it.
The world will have to go on throughout all eternity
Never finding this amazingly wonderful object that defies all imagination,
And is not a fucking hat.
